On the spectrum of football signings, some were destined to happen, like Kylian Mbappe joining Real Madrid, and then there were those that even a supercomputer couldn’t predict in thousands of simulations like Bebe joining Manchester United.
In today’s post, we will go through some of the more outlandish moves in football history—they will have you convinced we’re living in an alternate universe.
1) Jonathan Woodgate to Real Madrid
Back in 2004, Real Madrid signed the English center-back from Newcastle United for €18 million. No one understands what Madrid saw in Jonathan Woodgate. He was a decent defender, but he couldn’t stay fit to save his life.
He also didn’t fit the profile of the club at the time at all. This was the Galactico era—the previous three summers at Madrid saw the arrivals of Zidane, Ronaldo, and Beckham.
To make matters worse, he was injured when Madrid approached him in 2004. While it’s not uncommon to sign players when they’re injured, the club doctors failed to detect a thigh problem that eventually kept Woodgate out for a year.
When he was finally fit to play, he had one of the most calamitous debuts you’ll ever see against Athletic Bilbao in La Liga. He scored an own goal and managed to get sent off – all in the same game. He was given a standing ovation by a rather sympathetic Bernabeu, and after eight more appearances, Woodgate was sent back to England in 2006.
2) Julien Faubert To Real Madrid
Real Madrid’s bizarre recruitment strategy didn’t end with Woodgate, however, because in 2009, they signed a Frenchman by the name of Julien Faubert.
The entire football world was stunned when Los Blancos took the fullback on loan from West Ham just before the close of the 2009 January transfer window. He had played just eight games for the Hammers in the previous season and, again, is not the sort of player you would expect a club like Real Madrid to bring in.
Faubert missed a training session as he mistakenly thought he had the day off and was accused of falling asleep on the subs bench during a game against Villarreal. He replied to this by saying, “I didn’t fall asleep on the bench; I prefer beds.” There was never any real danger of Faubert joining Los Blancos permanently, as he made just two appearances and eventually returned to West Ham.
3) Tevez & Mascherano to West Ham
West Ham found themselves in another unexpected transfer saga a few years prior. In the summer of 2006, Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano were two of the most in-demand players in world football.
Having helped Corinthians win the Brazilian Serie A title the year before and with outstanding performances for Argentina in the 2006 World Cup, Barcelona, Real Madrid, and Juventus were all linked with the Argentine duo. So you can imagine the pure disbelief when they joined Premier League strugglers West Ham.
“Let’s be honest, it is intriguing. It’s intriguing to me, but to be honest, I don’t care. I’m so pleased that they’re here—so pleased. We have two world-class players at West Ham, and our fans should rejoice,” said West Ham’s manager at the time.
The club’s statement failed to elaborate much further. “The pair have been signed for an undisclosed fee and put pen to paper on permanent contracts with the club this afternoon. All other aspects of the transfers will remain confidential and undisclosed.” This immediately raised plenty of eyebrows.
At that point, West Ham’s record signing was Dean Ashton for less than £7 million. The cost of both Tevez and Mascherano would surely be much higher than that, and many wondered how on Earth West Ham had raised the funds, with reports suggesting that third parties had been involved in the transfer.
In time, it was discovered that both players were owned by third parties. All deals involving third-party ownership in the Premier League are strictly forbidden, so West Ham should not have been allowed to complete the transfers. The club was fined £5.5 million but was still somehow allowed to continue fielding their star duo. On the final day of the season, Tevez scored the goal that saw the club avoid relegation.
“Although I have assurance and I made sure of that, they’re not going in the next window, just to make you aware. Let’s enjoy them, just enjoy their quality, and let’s see where it takes us,” said the manager. In a wholly unsurprising development, though, both Tevez and Mascherano left Upton Park that summer, with Tevez moving to Manchester United and Mascherano joining Liverpool.
4) Al-Saadi Gaddafi To Perugia
Onto another shady deal, we have Al-Saadi Gaddafi joining Perugia on a free transfer. Al-Saadi Gaddafi is the son of former Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi.
In a purely political move, the Italian Prime Minister, electoral candidate, and AC Milan owner Silvio Berlusconi persuaded the then-Perugia president, the infamous Luciano Gaucci, that signing the son of Colonel Gaddafi would be good for the country’s relationship with Libya.
Al-Saadi spent his time playing exclusively in his hometown, and before even making an appearance for Perugia, he tested positive for the anabolic steroid nandrolone. Even with the help of performance-enhancing drugs, Al-Saadi was still considered by everyone as a lousy footballer. With that being the case, he managed just 69 minutes of professional football with Perugia and later Udinese.
5) Gennaro Gattuso To Rangers
Another man who gave us an unexpected transfer, thanks to both Perugia and his father, is Gennaro Gattuso. It’s not every day that an Italian moves to Scotland, but that is what Gattuso did in the late ’90s when Perugia opted to sell him to Rangers.
Retelling the story of his transfer, Gattuso said, “One day my father comes and tells me that a representative of Glasgow Rangers has come to town and has offered a contract to me. I did not want to leave, and I told this to my father. He told me that the money they were offering was so much he could not even write down the total figure. He told me it was four times his total earnings in his lifetime. When I still said no, he said he would punch me if I did not accept it. So I signed for Rangers.”
It didn’t take long for the Scottish food and the Scottish weather to impact his psyche. “I went to Glasgow, and I didn’t know anyone and didn’t have two words of English, but after two weeks, I looked more Scottish than a Scottish player. I trained three or four times a day; I would go to the gym for hours. I built myself up with this mentality. I knew I didn’t have great technique, but I prepared myself to mentally kill my opponent,” Gattuso said.
6) Samuel Eto’o To Anzhi Makhachkala
Eto’o will most definitely go down as one of the greatest strikers to ply his trade out of Africa. He was integral to both Barcelona’s and Inter’s Champions League-winning teams.
With a career as decorated as his, you’d expect nothing less than the biggest teams vying to get his signature. I mean, he had just come off a season scoring 37 goals for Inter Milan and was just entering his 30s.
He wasn’t a young man looking to build his character; he was a world-class player looking to cash in. So when a rather unknown Russian team came into the picture, offering to make Eto’o the highest-paid footballer on the planet at the time, he was all in.
The Cameroonian would be taking his talents to the Russian Republic of Dagestan to join Anzhi Makhachkala. The home of some of the UFC’s greatest fighters now had one of the world’s greatest footballers. But Eto’o didn’t even live in Dagestan.
As part of his contract, he had a private jet that would fly him to and from training every day while he lived in a hotel in Moscow. So when I say he cashed in, he really cashed in. On the pitch, he scored 36 goals in 73 appearances and got to play with Roberto Carlos.
7) Eric Maxim Choupo-Moting To Paris Saint-Germain
Next up is a move that would not even make sense in a FIFA career mode: Eric Maxim Choupo-Moting from Stoke City to Paris Saint-Germain. While Choupo-Moting has enjoyed a twilight career revival as a quality squad player for top-level teams, no one thought much of him in 2018.
In a move that really raised eyebrows, the Cameroonian international joined PSG on a free transfer after just five goals with the Potters as they got relegated from the Premier League. It was a move that had everyone claiming he must have the world’s greatest agent. Featuring alongside the likes of Neymar and Kylian Mbappe, he managed to spend two years in France.
In 51 appearances, the forward scored nine goals. Despite his average record in France, he secured a move to Bundesliga giants Bayern Munich after his contract expired. Surprisingly again, he became a solid squad player, even managing 10 league goals in 2022.
8) Allan Simonsen To Charlton Athletic
Now, this list will end with a more unknown but still insane transfer nonetheless. In 1982, Allan Simonsen left Spanish giants Barcelona and joined Charlton Athletic in England’s second tier.
This was a man who had won the European Player of the Year – today’s Ballon d’Or – just five years earlier, and he was only 30. That would be like if Luka Modric joined Derby County today and was much younger.
So why did he do it? According to him, he wanted to play for a club with less stress and less attention. It wasn’t a financial move or a career growth move; it was simply a move for his peace of mind, which has to be respected.
There you go and that is the end of the list. Thank you for reading.